As I am reading through the scriptures on Discipline I am finding the word obedience a lot. I think I should also look up the scriptures on obedience. This journey is leading me to several different pathways. I tend to be a "quick fix" person. Quick fix is not working for me any more. Let me explain.
Since I have been married (almost 32 years now) I have been many sizes (3-22) and weights from 105 pounds to 210 pounds. I am 5 foot something in height maybe 5'1 or 5'2. My weight shift is very noticeable. I have lost a significant amount of weight (75 pounds in 14 months) when the boys were in middle school. I kept this off for 3 years and once again slowly started putting it back on. I have dieted on and off shifting the pendulum of weight from one extreme to another according to what I was focused on at the time.
As I have said, when I started this journey it is to seek a disciplined daily life. I have too many shifts and that is not a stable way of life which means I am not pleasing God with this life of extremes.
James 1:8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
James 4:8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
This is not only about weight. Financially, the same is true. We have been in deep debt, focus, get out of debt. Back in debt, bankrupt, back in debt, out of debt, back in debt. We are focused right now and getting out of debt once again.
At work, I work hard on what I am focusing on at the time, but I let the other stuff pile up and get over whelmed at it.
At home, I focus on a project until it is complete but in the mean time the other routine stuff piles up. I hit what I must hit to keep from being consumed.
I have also learned that I have the most difficult time asking for help. I have looked at that a lot lately. Why is that. I do not mind helping other and find it a real joy to do so. Why is it so hard for me to ask for help.
I have known this about myself for a very long time but I don't understand it.
I am asking myself these questions but so far I can not find the answers...
What is my core values on helping?
What is my core values on being helped?
Do I take on too much at a time?
Do I think I'm the only one who can do it right?
Do I think if I ask someone to do something, they won't do it and I will be angry or hurt
or at the last minute end up doing the task under pressure. (I do know I don't do well under pressure. I forget and not confident at all.)
I know these things about myself...
If I plan, work that plan out slowly and methodically I will accomplish it without extreme stress.
But then comes the maintenance thing again and I get "bored" or "complacent" or something... and fail to keep it up until it falls behind. Then it becomes a project again.
I don't know. I must keep on praying and studying until I find the answers on a disciplined life. I know that is what pleases God but I don't know how to execute that life. It has become a desire... and God promised he would give us the desires of our heart. Maybe that's the problem, maybe the desire is in my head and not my heart. God help me
to desire in my heart the things that please you.
My favorite scripture for many years has been Proverbs 31:10-30 (new international version) This is the woman I am striving to be...
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
She seems very stable and disciplined.
The New Life
Ephesians 4: 17-24
English Standard Version
17Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds.
18They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart.
19They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.
20But that is not the way you learned Christ!—
21assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus,
22to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires,
23and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds,
24and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
I know that is what He desires, I know that is what I desire, I pray I can figure out how to walk this way and walk it. If you are reading this and know the worth of prayer please do pray for me on this journey!
Cindy
